Raising Little Heroes: Introduction to Wonderland Park

We had a great, albeit cold, morning at Wonderland Park today.  11 families showed up for our first official RLH gathering at our adopted park where we got an overview of how we can care for it year round from our own Environmental  Projects Overseer and Horticulturalist for the City of Boulder, Dan Yankowiak.  Dan and I hadn't planned on any big work projects today since the weather was likely to be at least pretty cold but we wanted to gather everyone before our big Spring Cleanup day on  April 20th.  We thought it would be fun to get together with those who were feeling excited to get started and to install our "Raising Little Heroes" sign at the entrance to the park.  Even though it was cold, we managed to make a few big piles of fallen branches for the parks department to collect, got the sign installed and got to know each other a little better.  The kids worked really hard and had fun gathering branches and trash and there seemed to be a general sense of excitement for the weather to be nice so we can really roll up our sleeves and care for our park.  If this sounds like fun to you, I strongly encourage you to do a little research in your area (or here in Boulder--plenty of parks to care for, large and small--not to mention "adopt a flower bed" and "adopt a trail") to see if there is an "adopt a park" program that you can participate in.  You can encourage neighbors and friends to join you or you can take it on as your own family project.  It could not have been easier to apply and Dan told us that there has been a rapid decline in the sense of stewardship shown by residents recently, so they are grateful and excited to have us on board.

While we were there today, we gathered donated therapy balls and puzzles for RLH mom, Hayley Kooiman to take along with her on her trip home to South Africa next week.  Hayley told us that a friend of hers works with an organization in South Africa called The Unlimited Child, a non-profit organization which operates from Hillcrest in Kwa-Zulu Natal, South Africa. Hillcrest is Hayley's hometown and this organization helps a lot of creches (day care centers) in impoverished surrounding areas.

The Unlimited Child promotes Early Child Development (ECD) by providing educational toys and caregiver training to underprivileged day care centers.  They dramatically improve the potential of preschool children by supporting pre-existing day care centers with learning materials, monitoring, support and training.

Hayley asked her friend if there was any way RLH could help support the work that they do, and her friend told her that there are some specific therapy balls that they can't get in South Africa that happen to be really inexpensive and easily found here in the United States.  So, many RLH members and friends from afar (including Germany and the US East Coast) donated balls and had them sent to Hayley to bring along with her on her trip.  More local RLH families donated puzzles (another needed item) to help fill Hayley's suitcase.  We also had some of the kids draw pictures this morning for Hayley to bring along and deliver with our gifts to a creche she hopes to visit with her children while over there.

Thank you to everyone who made this morning a success--we look forward to a great year at the park together.  We also look forward to updates from Hayley while she is away!

These guys were excited to find a nest.  After we let them proudly show it to us, we gently encouraged them to put it back where they found it.

Headed up to install the sign

Epiphany

When I was a kid, there was a particular struggle I dealt with.  It was nothing terribly unique or earth shattering, and it wasn't anything so bad that I'd blocked it out of my consciousness, just a fairly common struggle that a lot of kids grapple with, especially sensitive kids like I was.  As I became an adult, my struggle faded away, so there was never a satisfying sense of closure to it.  I'd spend short bursts of time thinking about it but always brushed it aside and even tried to make it comical in my head, deep down knowing that something about it all still bugged me a bit and that I'd probably have to explore it at some point.  Well it only took me about 17 years and then 9 months of therapy for me to realize that not only does it still bug me but it's played a major role in the woman I am today.

Although I've become pretty good at putting on a brave face, deep down I have this ugly worm of an inner voice that constantly tells me I'm a big joke.  I have a terrible habit of emotionally cutting out friends (and family at times) with an "I'll ditch you before you ditch me" attitude (only noticed by me because I've made the break before the other person has a chance to even notice I'm gone).  I quit a lot of things/abandon new ideas and inspiration because I eventually tell myself I'm not smart/experienced/talented enough to achieve anything and then I beat myself up for ever actually thinking I could achieve anything.  Whenever I meet a new person, I feel like I lucked out if they seem to like me and then worry that it's just a matter of time before they find out the truth:  that I'm a big fat loser.  I've spent my whole marriage thinking on a deep, hidden away level that Nathan thinks I'm a flake and incapable of making a mark on this world, despite his constant words of encouragement, support and admiration.

I can tell you that as I've gotten older, especially since becoming a mother, I've worked hard at quieting those demons with some success.  It's a tough road though, because trying to get a handle on this stuff without asking for help has been like swimming in a giant dark sea of hidden away, seemingly random and baseless emotions.  Whenever this stuff came up and I was forced to deal with them, the sensation was so overwhelming and claustrophobic that I would just hold my breath and paddle frantically toward the surface.  Once I would catch my breath again,  instead of finding some scuba gear and diving back down, I chose to find ways to stay afloat as long as possible:  connecting with Buddhism, running, hard work, generosity, total immersion into motherhood, spending time with friends, humor...  When I was a teenager and especially in college, these dark thoughts and emotions completely ruled my life but thankfully I've managed to grow into a fairly laid back, confident adult.  No matter how well I was doing though, those demons, although much smaller and quieter, were still lurking deep down in there and when they decided to make an appearance, man did they come crashing on through.

Now that I've suddenly made the connection between my personal childhood struggle and these habits I've developed as an adult,  I feel like I'm swimming in a sparkling blue Carribean sea.  I'm shocked to realize how much of an impact one struggle while you're young can make on the rest of your life.  I'm being careful not to explain all of my weaknesses away and place blame, but it sheds such brilliant light on so much stuff that I can't help but feel the most relieved I've ever felt in my whole life.  I know those demons are still lurking in there, but I'm almost overjoyed to know that I now have the most powerful weapons I've ever had to fight them:  self-realization, reflection, truth, clarity and forgiveness.

Snow Day

We were expecting a blizzard today but despite it snowing all day, we didn't really get much accumulation because it was pretty warm.  We treated it like a snow day anyway though, since I think we were all kind of looking forward to it.  Other than bringing Zoe to gymnastics in the morning, we didn't do anything outside of the apartment..just stayed nice and cozy inside.

First thing in the morning, I made some yummy sweet potato muffins and while I was finding more puttering to do in the kitchen, the kids randomly came in and asked if they could paint.  I realized as they were getting set up that it's been SO LONG since they did that.  It's been funny for me to think about how last year was all about art projects and experimenting with paint around here and this year is more about the kids playing together and me getting more into my own thing..specifically cooking and baking right now.  Strange how things can change so drastically sometimes.  Anyway, it was so fun and refreshing to see them making a big ol' mess at the kitchen table again.

Then we decided to do a test run of the science experiment I have in mind for this week's Young Scientists group (one of the activities I run for my job as an RM here in Family Housing).  It's really simple but really fun and it kept them busy and interested for a good amount of time.  I think it'll be a hit on Tuesday and I'm sure we'll do it again sometime at home.  

Give the kids an empty clear glass or cup and then two cups, one with water and one with vegetable oil.  You can ask them what they think will happen when they pour the liquids into the same cup.  These guys were sure they would just mix together....

..and were pretty amazed when they saw what really happened.

Then I gave them some liquid food coloring and told them to put some drops in to see what would happen.

They both wanted to try stirring their concoctions

I'm sure you're not surprised that this is what ended up happening with Owen's.

I suggested putting some ice in and then Zoe played around with putting the food coloring onto the ice cube

Seeing the beautiful, light, delicate snow falling outside gave me an urge to make some chocolate pound cake with powdered sugar on top.  I found a recipe for regular pound cake in my Moosewood Cookbook and added four tablespoons of unsweetened cocoa powder to it.  It came out just the way I'd hoped it would and we ended up sharing some with our neighbors.  I love doing that on a snowy day like today...I love the thought that we are all cozy in our little apartments with our little families but somehow still connected to our neighbors at the same time.

Yuuuummmmy

The rest of the day was a mix of chores, board games and book reading...pretty perfect.  We had our weekly movie night and I made this yummy Mediterranean Stew from the online workshop I've been lucky enough to take these last few weeks called Whole Food Kitchen.  My East Coast friend Jenny gifted the workshop to me a couple of months ago, straight out of the blue and I still can't get over how generous it was of her.  I feel so spoiled.  It's so nice to be enjoying cooking and to be making a bigger effort to fit in more nutritionally dense foods for myself and my family.  The kids aren't totally into the new food I've been making but I'm still managing to make new stuff without making completely separate meals for the kids AND I feel like they are getting plenty to eat.  It's tricky with these picky kids but I'm getting there..for us it's all about good, simple "sides" (chick peas, black beans, fruit, toast made from homemade bread).  That way if they don't like the main course, at least they are getting what they need from the sides.  I like this approach because I'm not giving them the impression that I'm cooking something separate for them, and then I don't get mad at them if they don't eat the main course, which is good for me AND them!  

Zoe's tough--she has really gotten so picky.  She even turns her nose up at macaroni and cheese now, which used to be one of the only things she would eat.  I do think I was relying on it too much and she just got tired of it.  I have nothing against mac and cheese--I just think we were having it way too much and so I'm proud to say that I haven't made a box of mac and cheese in over a month.  I also haven't made a frozen pizza and have been making homemade mini pizzas with the kids once a week.  Change is so good sometimes.  Owen isn't nearly as picky as Zoe.  He doesn't like everything but he will at least try it and if he likes it he'll go ahead and eat it (as opposed to the combination of not liking stuff but also WANTING to not like stuff that Zoe has going on at the moment).  When that happens I get this warm, proud feeling in my gut as I watch him shovel kale into his mouth without flinching like he did a couple of weeks ago.  Or like tonight when he polished off some of my homemade oatmeal bread, boiled fingerling potatoes and THREE HELPINGS (he finished Zoe's for her) of stew.  If not for this workshop, I never would have thought to try giving him stew made with quinoa, sun dried tomatoes, spinach and kalamata olives.  You just never know until you try.  I say that to Zoe all of the time, but I'm only just now realizing that I should give myself that advice more often.

Girls With Guts, Revisited

Some of you may remember my Girls With Guts post a couple of years ago.  I recently reworked it so I could audition for a Mother's Day reading of it at a local theatre.  I was excited to audition because, having been an "actress" in my early days (yes, I meant to put that in "quotes"), I sometimes wonder if I'd ever be able to overcome the stage fright I developed after realizing I liked working backstage WAY better than onstage.  I looked at it as an opportunity to overcome a fear but was also excited about the possibility of using this platform to share Girls With Guts and hopefully get more people on board with the mission (the reading will also be put online for the internet world to see).  I was pretty nervous about going but part of me, I'm embarrassed to admit, felt like I had it in the bag so was excited too.  While reading my piece to the two women in charge of deciding which ones will be used for the presentation, I was way more nervous than I hoped I would be.  They were perfectly nice afterwards, but I could tell they weren't on my wavelength when one of the two women asked me if I "really think it works to say these words out loud and expect the heart will follow" and then at the very end, she said that she had "read somewhere that you can't give to your kids what you don't have yourself".  I came back with some good arguments, but I just knew...I was disappointed because I wanted to yell "Just because someone said it doesn't make it true!  That kind of thinking is exactly the problem!"  but I just calmly gave my retort and thanked them for their time.  Today I got the confirmation that they are not, in fact, interested in letting me share my story.  I admit I'm relieved.  If I was that nervous reading my personal story out loud to 2 people, I had a hard time picturing how I would do in front of an audience.  Now I don't have to worry about it.  So, I'll share it with all of you again because you are always in my corner and I love you all for that.  XO

Girls With Guts

The journey to motherhood is different for all mothers.  My personal journey involved being pregnant and giving birth twice and therefore witnessing first hand the mind bending changes a woman’s body goes through while babies are all cozy and warm in her belly.  My journey also involved the inevitable post-pregnancy body issue battle.  Despite my valiant efforts to avoid this battle, I did succumb to it after both pregnancies as I think most, if not all of us eventually do.  After my second baby, it took about 9 months for the thoughts to start creeping in:  the nagging voice in my head that pointed out every roll and every stretch mark.  Slowly but surely, I began to get more and more self-conscious about my belly...my whole midsection, really... The shadow I caught a glimpse of on my morning run was a lot more jiggly than the girl I once knew and it was getting more and more annoying to try on shirts from my closet. Once in a while, I'd pull an old favorite out and think "surely, this fits now" and throw it on confidently only to find it about 4 inches too short and my stretched-to-the-limit skin pouring out of the bottom. 

As I started to notice these thoughts making their way in, I suddenly felt compelled to talk about how incredibly tired I am of the body issues that plague so many people these days.  I wish there was an easy way out of the trap, but since it's a problem based in other people's opinions, it's a hard one to solve.  If our tendency is to wonder what other people are thinking about how we look, then the only way to stop this cycle would be if EVERYONE out there considered the following question to be the most important in terms of our bodies:

Are you healthy?

Nothing more.

Although I think this should be the norm for everyone, no matter what stage of life you happen to be in, I find it particularly cruel to subject pregnant and recently pregnant women to the madness of the body issue battle.  During my first pregnancy I stood my ground against hints at the importance of a "perfect" body.  My midwives lectured me every time I got off the scale at my appointments.  Over and over again, I told them that I ate healthy foods and was still going to the gym and so wasn’t worried.  They didn’t let up until I finally refused to step on that scale at all.  When I met my midwives here in Boulder, the first thing I told them was that I never wanted to talk about my weight.  Thankfully, they took careful note and never once said anything about it.  I admittedly didn’t eat as well the second time and was much less active, but wouldn’t you know,  my body did the exact same thing as it did the first time around, and the weight came off at the same rate.

Any mother who has spent time being pregnant can relate to being asked the question: "When are you due?" but how many of you have experienced that AFTER you've had the baby?  The worst part about being asked that question is that it's usually asked by a complete stranger right when you are starting to feel like yourself again.  Most of us get mad or annoyed at the person and rattle on to our friends about how we can't believe people have the gall to ask such a question, but honestly I think we react that way because it's such a hard smack of reality.  Like it or not, our bellies stretched way out in order to grow a human being and it's to be expected that it may stay that way for a lot of us no matter what we do.  If you really think about it, how can we get mad at someone who honestly (and kindly) wants to share in the joy that goes along with this amazing process? 

I've found a nugget of gold in this bucket of body image garbage in my daughter.  Not long after she was born, I was struck with the reality that I am raising a girl.  I realized that now more than ever, I need to find a way to stop contributing to this cycle.  It’s going to be hard enough to help her sort through the messages she’ll get from the rest of the world, so I need to be sure to give her a strong example of a confident woman, no matter what my body is shaped like.  I do not want to be the one to start her down the path of self-deprecation so many of us find ourselves on so I made it my mission to stop talking about my body in a negative way, especially in front of her.  Stopping the words proved fairly easy, but stopping the thoughts was a different story.  Even now, two years after her little brother was born, when she asks me if I have another baby in my belly, or why my belly is so big and squishy, I mentally take a deep breath and remind myself to look at these moments as opportunities.  While I am telling her, matter of factly, that I had 2 babies and that my stomach is all stretched out from it, I feel like I'm giving her a gift.  I want her to know that people come in all varieties and that being healthy is the only thing that matters.  I want that to be the message she replays in her head as she grows up.

So, where am I today?  Am I succeeding in my mission?  Well, I admit it’s not going perfectly but I continue to say the right words and I’m finding that my heart is slowly following along.  In fact, I’m going to take this opportunity to practice saying out loud what are for me, some of the hardest words to say and fully believe:  I am OK.  I am important.  I am interesting.  I am generous.  I am loving.  I am healthy.  I am happy.  I am perfectly imperfect and I am beautiful, just as I am.  I say these words as someone who wants more for herself and for the women she shares this world with, but most importantly for her children.

I dream of an army of warrior women who are willing to make a stand against this battle and demand more for each other and our children.  I once told a friend about this dream and she dubbed my army "Girls With Guts" .  I will continue my fight but I need all of you to stand alongside me.  We can stop this cycle together.