Unexpected

Have you ever experienced a day or moment when things that have long been at the back of your mind as "someday" things suddenly and obnoxiously rush into your face and become "now" things?  When this happens do you, like me, feel a spark of  panic in the reality that time does actually pass and the future eventually does become the present?  Yeah, I had one of those moments today.

Before I tell you about that, let me backtrack just a bit because this morning brought me another kind of unexpected moment.  Perhaps the universe decided to send it my way knowing how the day was going to end for me (if that's the case I owe you, universe).  As I was taking care of my usual morning household duties, Zoe suddenly came rushing down the stairs excitedly telling me that she had "a GREAT idea for getting more people to join Raising Little Heroes!!" she (and Owen) wanted to take some posters and business cards outside and stop anyone passing by to tell them about our group.  She was so excited that I held back my initial feelings of doubt and negativity.  In my head I was thinking: "Well, you can't just randomly stop people like that..people are in a hurry, we shouldn't bother them...no one is going to walk by our apartment at this time of day and if they did, they wouldn't be interested in our group, you are going to be disappointed...." etc.  Thankfully, I instead told her I thought it was a great idea, and she got right down to business, giving Owen the low down about what to say and how to hold up the poster.

It didn't take long for me to realize how absolutely beautiful the whole thing was.  Sure, they were adorable but it was also a moment of clarity for me.  I realized while watching them that so much of what I'm trying to accomplish with this group has to do with being a person that they can be proud of and that is exactly what is happening.  Zoe was telling me what she planned to say to people and she was saying much of the same things that I've been saying in times when I didn't realize she was listening.  She was poised and ready and even set up a little table so they could look more official.

At this point, I was still trying to get stuff done, going in and out of the house but the two of them stayed out there, eyes peeled for passersby.   When I finished up my stuff, I told Zoe I was coming to join them and she said "Oh good, Mommy.  You gotta get out here and help because...I mean, how are you so good at this??"  I smothered her with kisses and gratitude and gave her some pointers just in time to greet the first kind soul who listened intently to her spiel, took a business card and thanked her for the information before continuing on with his day.

The look of pride on her face as she came running back to me was the most heart warming thing I've experienced in a long time.  For the next 45 minutes, we sat there waiting and she and Owen gave out 4 more cards to 4 more kind souls.  I couldn't stop telling her how proud I was of her.  Later in the morning I told her that when I first got my business cards I realized I had no idea what to do with them.  I couldn't imagine just stopping people randomly like that, telling them about our group and giving them a business card so I was afraid I'd never end up giving any out.  I told her that her motivation and courage gave me more motivation and courage and that I was feeling really thankful for that and her.

Which brings me back to the end of today....this evening, I went to BCSIS (Zoe's school next year) for a Kindergarten meeting.  I'd been looking forward to this meeting because we are all excited about next year at this school.  It's a wonderful, arts-integrated, Waldorf inspired school that anyone I've ever talked to with first hand experience absolutely gushes about.  Zoe has good friends who go there, she is really excited about starting Kindergarten...all in all, the makings of new, fun, exciting stuff.  SO, how shocked can you imagine I was to realize upon entering and seeing the long halls and many classrooms (in other words, BIG KID SCHOOL) that I'm totally freaked out about it!!??  This feeling was so unexpected that I spent most of the informational meeting inside my own head, hardly listening to anything the incredible teacher and returning parents were saying.  On top of the preoccupation with wondering how Zoe will adjust, I was already mourning the loss of this school in our lives after we move away!  Never in my life has a year seemed like a blink of an eye before it's even happened but that is what is happening to me lately (not just today by the way...lately I'm becoming increasingly panicked about the idea of leaving).  Anyway, while I was totally freaking out (I realized when I left that my jaw and teeth were actually a little sore because I'd been clenching them the whole time) I did manage to keep in mind the realistic side of things:  a) this school is right up Zoe's alley, b) she has a good friend from preschool in her class, c) she is ready and excited and so I do feel good about the near future overall.  Mostly I guess I just can't believe that this is the beginning of spending less and less time with my best gal....*sigh*

In honor of my big girl, I decided about halfway through the meeting that I was going to take the lesson she taught me this morning to heart and go outside of my comfort zone.  When the "any questions?" time of the meeting rolled around, I immediately (and nervously) raised my hand to ask if it would be okay to throw in a shameless  plug.  I then proceeded to tell the group about Raising Little Heroes and passed around my business cards.  Everyone in the room, including the teacher took one.