Here goes nothing

I'm taking a cue from my ultra talented and super duper supportive author friend Jessika Fleck's blog post today and outing myself.  I'm officially telling you all that I've decided to write a book.  Or, I'm at least going to use the goal of writing a book as a way to really learn how to write.  I admit I think I have a natural knack for it but I really want to take the time to learn some legit skills in order to be able to get more out of my writing and perhaps even take it somewhere someday.  I love blogging but I'm getting the feeling that if I put my mind to it, I may just be able to do something a little more special than just rambling whenever I happen to feel inspired.

Since deciding to do this about a week or two ago, I've tried to talk myself out of it at least 10 times because this is what I do....It's what I did in high school when I quit playing the saxophone even though I was pretty good at it in junior high.  I was afraid I would try out for jazz band (which I really wanted to be in) and fail, so I didn't even audition.  That was the end of my sax career.  I still remember the look of disappointment on the face of my junior high music teacher when I told him I was quitting....It's what I did when I quit singing and playing the piano after high school.  I was afraid of playing and singing in front of people I hadn't known all my life because I was sure they would  be able to see that I wasn't totally polished.  So, I didn't seek out the music world in college and fell into partying and not giving a shit instead.  If I was drunk enough I'd occasionally play guitar and sing for my closest college friends but that's as far as I took my music career....  It's what I did when I quit acting.  I was afraid of almost everything with that one, but mostly afraid of never getting cast in anything and if I did get cast in something, getting terrible reviews.  So I quit...  I've always felt okay with these paths ending because I had an absolute blast along the one I did take: the incredible experiences working backstage (which I still have a huge hankering to return to) and just the small fact that if I hadn't taken the path I took, I never would have met Nathan and ended up with this family I adore to no end.

However, I do sometimes feel a loss when I think of those things I quit along the way.  Deep down in the depths of my consciousness (so deep that I'd have never admitted it out loud at the time) I knew I had talent.  If I'd only been patient and plodded along, learning from mistakes and living without fear of failure and judgement then any of those talents could have blossomed into something really special.  Instead, they are simply truncated hobbies...they are buds that never got the chance to open up and show their most brilliant colors because I threw away my watering can.  At this point in my life I can admit I think that's a shame even though I love where my life has led me.

So here I am telling you that I'm not going to quit this time.  I feel a spark in there somewhere and I'm buying a new watering can.  My friends Jessika Fleck and Kristi Pikiewicz are giving me guidance from the inside track and I'm finding out about a bunch of cool ways you can get your name and writing out there in cyber world.  I am working on finding an existing, popular website that might be willing to give me a "blog home" or allow me to be a "guest blogger" with the goal of publishing this book I'm apparently writing bit by bit so I can get feedback as I go and maybe even a following.  If I achieve that goal, when I do finish the book (just so you know, I do feel a little--I mean a LOT--ridiculous saying that) I can try and sell myself by showing them that people have responded well to what I've  put out there.

Anyway, here we go!  Support and encouragement are most welcome at this point!