Tangles

Every Thursday morning I have a few hours to myself. I take the opportunity to exercise or write. A trip to the coffee shop is usually involved. Today though, I decided to go to the fancy yarn store to buy an expensive skein in order to make myself something. I just finished making sweaters for both kids and, as most of you know, things have been tense around our house as we wait to learn our fate after Nathan graduates so I thought I deserved a little pampering.

I got there early so sat in the car enjoying my music and coffee. As I sat, I got some bad news via text from Nathan regarding the job search. This particular piece of news came as a devastating shock to both of us. I turned off the music and sat there in silence, staring straight ahead and not knowing what to think or feel next.

When the yarn store opened I went in and chose a 100 gram skein of black alpaca, chatted with the ladies for a few minutes and asked to be rung up. After I paid, they asked if they could wind the yarn for me and I quickly said no, wanting to be on my distracted way sooner rather than later.

When I got home I gathered my pattern, the needles it's calling for and my luxurious yarn and sat down to get started, hoping the new project would jog me in another mental direction. To my immediate dismay I realized why I should have let them wind my yarn at the store. Although I tried to delicately unfold it myself, it quickly became a pile of tangled wool.

I clenched my jaw and attacked, feeling more annoyed with myself at each new tangle I created. Tense and rushed, I wanted to cry in frustration because I had hoped to spend my quiet morning knitting and now it was being spent on this mess.

Then I reminded myself I actually enjoy untangling yarn. It doesn't scare me, it relaxes me. It's a problem I can solve. It forces me to slow down and take one problem at a time. I come to a snag and figure out how to free it. I know if you try and force it or hurry, you end up with a bigger mess than you started with. They key is to keep panic at bay. As I tapped into this approach I told myself to think on our life in this way as I worked at the mess in front of me. I patiently worked for at least an hour, staying calm and meditating. In the last minute before I was due to pick up Owen, I freed the last tangle and took a deep breath.

Ready to be made into something warm, cozy, soft and comforting. No problem. We've got this. Though you'd better believe I'm never saying "no thanks" to the yarn ladies again.