Glimpse of the "Old Me"

It's hard to admit this, but I think I've been in a funk for a while.  Not the kind where you mope around for days on end and feel sorry for yourself, or even the kind where you feel noticeably down and depressed and can't figure out why.  In fact, I didn't even realize I'd been in a funk until my run this morning (which is one of the reasons I love running so much).  First of all, I was totally inspired by this book I'm reading called Run Like a Mother.  It was written by two women who have found a way to keep up with their running after becoming parents, and they have some really realistic advice and stories/anecdotes you can totally relate to.  Nathan bought it for me while I was pregnant and I started it towards the end of this pregnancy, only to realize it would be much more inspiring to read when I was actually able to do more physically than roll out of bed (literally) and waddle around after Zoe (no exaggeration there, either).  So, I've finally picked it up again these last few nights and last night's chapter talked a lot about finding motivation when you just can't seem to muster any at all.  Boy, did it do the trick.  I set out to run a little more than 3 miles (which has been the longest I've run so far after Owen was born) and ended up feeling so good that I ran 6!  I was so proud that I actually clapped for myself when I stopped running at the end of the run.  I know, a little strange and dorky, but I was really pumped!  Not only did I run, but I actually experienced it like I used to since before I got pregnant with Zoe.  After the usual slow, plodding first mile or two I found that groove where you are tired, but know you could go on for a lot longer.  Man, I've missed that feeling!

There's nothing like finding that groove because when I do, I tap into this self-confidence that is almost impossible for me to find otherwise.  When I'm in that mood, it's easier to self-examine and figure out problems because my mind is totally open.  Today, I came to this realization that I've been afraid a lot these days:  of the dentist, of Owen's sleep never getting sorted out, of Owen getting another cold and thus another ear infection, of Zoe waking up puking again, of my really good friends moving away, of being far away from family and missing out on stuff, of not making the most of my time with Nathan and the kids, of failing to handle this challenging age Zoe is at the "right" way, of not getting enough sleep, of not eating right, of not succeeding at my new garden plot, of tornadoes and crazy weather, of the death of bin Laden meaning the start of an increase in intensity of violence against our country, of the kids getting bigger faster than my brain can fathom....and, I don't even consider myself a fearful person.  I just think that for some reason I've been letting these things get the best of me and have had a harder time not allowing these fears to take up more space in my brain than the positive stuff.  Maybe it's because I'm tired, or maybe it's just a natural thing for someone my age and knowing I am done having kids...kind of the end of a huge, long chapter of my life...whatever the reason, though I realized this morning on my run that one of the reasons it felt so good to run hard again was that I needed to jog my brain out of that funk and remind myself that even though I don't believe I have to deny these fears, I can overpower them with my strength of spirit.

To continue on with this mood, Nathan and I had a great day with the kids.  We loaded them into our new bike trailer and headed to the annual Boulder Creek Festival.  Such a beautiful day!

 I know, I know..the baby doesn't have a helmet...according to the Denver police, it's actually safer for babies this age to go without one.  If you have research proving the opposite though, please share!

Signing up for the duck race!  You don't actually get to set the duck off on the race, but you can go watch them set thousands of them down the creek.

Yay!  Last year she needed Daddy to ride this with her, but this year she told him to "STAY HERE."

Bounce House!

Choo choo!

We've stumbled upon a few really great activities the last few days too...the lemonade stand, I've been meaning to do for a long time though.  My brother Ben and I used to do it all the time when we were kids, and I thought Zoe would love it.  Our apartment is an okay spot but not as great as a quiet neighborhood street.  I was actually really disappointed to discover that the majority of adults that walked by said "No thank you, I'm good" to the "We're selling lemonade, do you want some?" question.  Come on, people!  It's 10 cents!!  Oh well.  Zoe is hooked.  She kept at it for a really long time and asks about 5 times a day now if she can sell more lemonade.

Zoe, Tristan and Sophie setting up shop

Zoe's idea

Then, the other day we were hanging out with my friend Marisa and her kids Cameron and Liesel and Marisa set them up with sidewalk chalk and matchbox cars and suggested they make a little city.  Marisa said she used to do it all the time when she was a kid and I think it's a brilliant activity!  Zoe played again at home today for a long time...

Yesterday, I finally set about putting some Owen pictures into frames and Zoe wanted to help.  I gave her some craft foam, stickers, scissors, tape and a couple pictures I had printed out but didn't have a frame for.  What a fun project for her!  She was really into it and I loved seeing what her ideas were.

Her finished product...it makes me laugh that she covered their eyes up

Phew!  Anyway.....good times!