Sometimes I find myself in the most disturbing situations with the kids and don't know how to get myself out of them. I think I'm pretty good at seeing things coming and avoiding stuff that should be avoided (ie: I made sure to put the work into cleaning up my language while Zoe was still an infant) but sometimes things just happen and I find myself scrambling to get out of whatever uncomfortable moment I've landed in. For instance, today I was trying to distract Zoe from something and enthusiastically said "Wanna learn a new song??!!" Of course, she gladly went along and started repeating after me as I happily sang:
"MISS SUSIE HAD A STEAMBOAT, THE STEAMBOAT HAD A BELL THE STEAMBOAT WENT TO (gulp) HEAVEN (starting to slow down as my face turned into a panicky forced smile) the...steamboat went to....(enthusiasm returns as I continue, completely forgetting about the trouble ahead) HELLO OPERATOR, GIVE ME NUMBER NINE AND IF YOU DISsss...connect me (oops) , I'll chop of your beHIND the fridgerator....(Oh crap) there was a...piece of glass (shit, what can I change this into???) Miss Susie...sat upon it and (CRAP!) broke her-----"
THANKFULLY in that moment we got interrupted and she went bounding off to some other more non-damaging activity with her Dad. Just to be clear, the rest of the song goes like this:
Miss Susie sat upon it, and broke her big, fat ASK me no more questions, tell me no more lies..the boys are in the bathroom, zipping up their FLIES are in the meadow bees are in the park, Miss Susie and her boyfriend are kissing in the D-A-R-K-D-A-R-K-D-A-R-K DARK DARK DARK!!!
Whoops! Am I classy or what?
My favorite though, was the time after Nathan got home from a run, and he returned the iPod to the iPod dock in the living room (both of us forgetting to change the playlist back to "Zoe's Playlist"). We turned the music on for her and she nestled into the rocking chair next to the speakers. She is like both of us, where she will zone out next to the stereo for at least an hour, listening to music when she's in the mood and this was one of those days. I was enjoying a snack or a cup of coffee in the living room, enjoying the relative quiet when I finally tuned into the song that was blaring right next to my baby girl's eardrums. It was "My Girlfriend, Who Lives In Canada" from Avenue Q (my favorite musical! Certainly NOT suitable for children, though). If you are familiar with the song, imagine me cluing in somewhere around "Shit, her name is Alberta, she lives in Vancouver" and instantly jumping up and running into the living room, yelling "LALALALALALALALALALALALA!!!!" and getting my finger on the "STOP" button just after "AND I CAN'T WAIT TO EAT---" Phew!! Just in time! Poor Zoe was (luckily) too stunned to ask me much about it and just accepted my flustered response ("Oh, nothing!!) to her "What, Mommy?"
If you aren't familiar with the song (or just happen to love the show as much as I do) and want to give it a listen, click the link below and check it out...it is sung by the closeted gay character in the show....My Mormon friends had better just take my word for it and not listen...if you've even gotten this far in today's post and still want to be my friend, that is....
My Girlfriend, Who Lives in Canada
Yeah....hey, she'll never remember any of this anyway, right?