Thursday, November 14, 2013

Underwater Portal

"Underwater" by Amy Shane, Shutter Couture Photography
"I get my best ideas when I'm underwater." My four year old daughter said after dunking her head in the bathtub. Struck by her musing, I could only tell her I knew what she meant. I feel most centered when submerged in quiet water, no mask or snorkle and not moving a muscle. Hair floating in whatever way the water holds it, body free of the strain of gravity. Complete and true silence.

My daughter has a powerful  bond with books so I knew most likely she was repeating a line from a recent favorite but I felt a connection with her all the same.

She often does this. Repeats and retells little snippets of the stories we read together. I'll never know for sure why she does but sometimes I could swear I'm hearing the voice of a wise soul. Speaking truth before life convinces her to hold back.

I know well enough to consider it's more likely I'm projecting. I look for connections between myself as a child and the one before me now. I feel the unresolved internal conflict I experienced growing up and devote my life as a mother to relieving my precious baby of the same struggles. Then I dig deeper and realize I'm still trying to find my own voice. To buoy courage that is drowning in fathoms of self doubt.

Underwater. Silence. Tranquility. Temporary clarity. A world of promise and alternate truth, only attainable for as long as you can comfortably hold your breath.

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