Thursday, January 8, 2015

Tea Time

Life these days is moving so fast I can't seem to hold onto a single thought that interests or inspires me.  Not necessarily in a bad way, but in a head-detatched-from-my-body kind of way...which still sounds bad...but...ugh, this is exactly why I haven't written a single word here in 3 months...

Our family is still stuck in limbo, but I'm handling it a hell of a lot better than last year.  The uncertainty of our future brought about depression and anxiety this time a year ago, but after our unexpected opportunity to stay in Boulder another year materialized I was able to let go of all of that.  I was relieved, and still am, but the release of that junk didn't exactly result in a magical transformation. Yes, I'm much more positive now we will ultimately make it through on top.  The depression and anxiety were replaced by random, tiny bursts of gratitude and a deeper understanding of what it means to be mindful.  Progress for sure, but this new "one moment at a time" way of life I've adopted doesn't have any patience for rumination...

...but I miss it.  I've been teasing my brain, seeing if I can find any corners to sit in a while and think...and write..and share...but I can't seem to take the time to cozy up just yet.  I hope to soon... the meantime I wanted to share this photo of one of my favorite things.  For the last 20 minutes of each day this week, these two rapidly growing and changing miracles in my life have been sitting in a dimly lit kitchen with their ol' mother, sharing a cup of tea and a chat.  These snapshots of our life together are what feed my soul right now...witnessing spontaneous giggle fits when one of them "accidentally" says something naughty, the laughter gaining hysterical momentum as they catch each others "Mommy's totally letting us laugh at that!!" thrill saturated eyes.  I can't wait to finally give these kids a picture of our future but am grateful to be fully here with them now.

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