Last weekend, I wasn't feeling very great. I wasn't sick, but I had this random, terrible cramp right under my rib cage that stuck around for 2 days and it made me really tired and really grumpy. One morning, I was in our bedroom hanging up laundry, listening to the kids hanging out downstairs and suddenly had a gigantic urge to lay down on my bed, pull the covers up over my head and go back to sleep. I mean, I really wanted to. It was all I wanted to do but instead I, without a trace of self pity, took a sip of my tea and continued to hang up the laundry. In that instant, I allowed myself a rare moment of self admiration thinking: "Man, you have to be pretty badass to be a stay at home mom". No matter what your mindset, or how you are feeling you have to show up. Every single day we feed, support, entertain, shuttle, discipline, love, clean, protect, nurture, tolerate, mediate, enjoy, encourage, disappoint, chaperone, advocate for and teach our children with everything we've got (although many days, I can admit to half-bassassing it). There are no vacation, sick or personal days. The challenges are nothing compared to the benefits but there are moments/days when you really have to dig deep because you literally have no choice but to do so, and I'm not afraid to say that that easily qualifies as "pretty badass".
Then, I realized you have to be pretty badass to be a working mom. To do all of the above every day and then go to another job and work just as hard. To wrestle with the ongoing conflicting emotions of missing your kids but knowing you're doing a kick-bassass job of supporting them by contributing to your family financially as well...then I realized you have to be pretty badass to be a stay at home dad. To do all of the above every day and endure what I can only guess is a nearly constant awkward vibe from the "stay at home mom" crowd. Try as we all might, it takes a slightly different angle to connect and I think it always translates as a little awkward. I hope it's not awkward enough to really matter to those dads but still I wonder if it's annoying....then I realized you have to be pretty badass to be a working dad. To do all of the above every day, work your badass off at work then come home and, without being expected to miss a beat, wipe someone's butt or break up a fight (oftentimes simultaneously) you weren't even aware of a half hour earlier because you were at your other job, focusing on some completely unrelated issue..then I realized you have to be pretty badass to be a single parent. To do all of the above...I mean ALL of the above every day.....then I realized you have to be pretty badass to be a parent of teenagers. To spend most of your time worrying about them while trying to act like it doesn't kill you that they won't tell you anything. Ever....then I realized you have to be pretty badass to be a parent of grown adults. To worry about and miss them when they live far away, or watch them struggle with their own adult challenges right there in front of you....
Then I decided I could do this all day and was too tired to think of any more examples so settled on: you have to be pretty badass to be a parent. It is most certainly not a job for the faint of heart and some days, if I really stop and pay attention for a minute, I can feel the collective badass-ness emanating from this world of baddass parents filling me with strength. So, thanks to all of those out there who lift me up, give me a hug or a pat on the back, cushion my fall or extend an outstretched hand right when I need it, without even knowing that you are.
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